Timing is everything..
Timing is everything..and when it comes to my process, I have truly learned and confirmed that it is something that cannot be forced. It seems even in the darkest hour and my ability to submit to my creative urges and inclinations, I was no longer able to share in the manner I once knew. I remember so long ago–15 years ago, starting a blog when it was not popular. But to some–one in particular, I was the moon and the sun.
After several hundred letters and a heap of denial, my assistant at the time, gently educated me about the definition of ‘stalker’ and it was with her strength and my courage, that I informed the police of what I had been ignoring. It became such an issue that I lived in fear and even a restraining order did not settle my imagination…I stopped doing one thing I love, and it is to write.
Along my journey I have fallen too many times, I have lost my face and have come to realize many a falsity in the illusions of success. I have lost friends who were never true and gained ones who were, to teach me the difference.
I am a better person for these experiences, but my heart is tender. I feel a leaf fall, I hear a symphony when the wind blows and to lose a friend is a death, a true loss and mourning in my heart, for if I have ever deemed one worthy of my friendship and love and generosity, it is true. Any untoward pierces my heart and I feel a kind of pain I have a hard time letting go of. Oh how they ache, these scars in the rain.
But now, now I feel I have the strength, to realize this fading lull in my heart will never quite leave, yet subside it will and in this, I find the truth of all I desire –truth of love and friendship, enveloped in kindness, loyalty and generosity of spirit. For what I give, I cannot help but to do so and to live in sorrow of disappointments past, is death unto itself. So I, after enduring much of this hardened way, and numbing capacities that were never quite enough, I relinquished to my aching heart and called a spade a spade.
Now here I share actual journal writings at the cusp of my journey in which I feel comfortable to reveal: stay tuned..